Dear Friend,
I know we haven’t talked in a while, but it had to be like this, I guess. I needed the will to stay alive more than ever. Only a few people would understand the chapter I was walking by. We never speak about the fights on our own, when we are all alone. Why would I even try to be compassionate? I know it’s a weakness for them all, to be like that, to be human after everything you have been put up with. So, I do apologize for not being there when you needed me the most, but I haven’t been myself lately, let’s just erase the pain. If it was that easy, everything would be so simple, so no one would want you on the same page.
Trust me, I know how it feels, to be broken by the people you want to stay in your life. No one wants to hear this, but without them, you wouldn’t be so careless and free. Nobody deserves to live in a prison, and when I say this, I mean it completely. We don’t look at the past to stay there, only to see the lessons and run another night without a fight. They look at me and they stare at me only to find out something which could hurt me again. They can’t, no one can hurt you in a way you can hurt yourself. Just tell me the reason, why would you want to hurt somebody? I wouldn’t want that, and that is the main reason I run with all my might from anybody.
I guess people love to get hurt, they are so used to it. If they don’t get what they want, they find another person, and instead of healing, they are damaging even harder than before. I’d rather stay alone instead of being with people who make me feel alone even more. Maybe that’s the curse I have to pay, maybe there is God after all…
Before I swam to the shore of my last war at the seas, I say last, but I know it is only occasional, for now, I had to face all the mistakes I made in the past. Fate seems to treat us the same way we treat people. I chose kindness, but it hit me as hard as it could, so I could not move from where I was then. And I was just weak. I was just overbearing so I had to ask for help from someone else. I knew how much the trouble would cost me, which I did not choose even then.
Unfortunately, in this life, I have not chosen who to love and when to leave, but I am not alone in that. We all have to face that pain from time to time, in which no one believes and doubts too much, just so that it is not pushed into the abyss. It is human to sin, but how long will I have the strength to forgive? I do not know, but I do not wish such pain on anyone. Even if I am a fighter, not everyone has the strength to face, not everyone has the strength to end the war, but one thing I would ask you, my friend, is why do you start at all if you do not intend to go to the end? To satisfy the need of the ego, to be destroyed by vanity, or just because you are hungry at the moment? What are you starving for, exactly? We did not understand each other, but of course that we parted somewhere on the way.
The eyes are separated because one eye does not trust the other, let alone trust someone unconditionally and blindly. And when my questions are answered, I will not need to seek an answer to the new ones, because the pleasure is just a moment, we as humans are always looking for something new, something that would play the child in each of us.
But I am looking for inner peace, I lost it once and then again, but not for a moment did I feel like a loser. Only those who have given in to low passions have lost, and I am always here for those who know where and when. It’s not easy at all, I know that, I learned it the hard way, but the guard is up when you’re at the bottom. Heavy stones, even more, irresistible smiles, because they weigh more than a million tears, which I did not let go of, I did not give them the right to come out.
I did not want to be the most powerful in the room, but I knew when not to speak and silence if it’s too painful for you, it’s a cure for me. We are not the same. We will never be, it is just a theory of time, and I do not plan to say anything that I know will be abused against me, yet they are just people.
I distanced myself from everyone for a while because that time is still money, I have chosen to save it and spend it only at the right moment. Silence is a source, not everyone chooses to remain silent, but the power of the man who is silent even if he is right is great. And if you want to shout right now, climb to the highest field, call it “success”, I will still breathe and exhale freedom, because of my concept, because of my mission in the world, but I guess I deserve to be happy, we all do, don’t we?
Forgive me, my friend, even if you hate me, I’m here whenever you need a listener.
Greetings, to some better days.
So far, so good…
MS